I look at the world through a woman’s eyes. They don’t see as well as they used to see, but they know better where to look than they did before:
They look to Him.
And they see better than they did before:
They see His love.
In my youth I had such arrogance and pride. I was reckless, rebellious, and insatiable in my pursuit of all that life had to offer, but I had yet to learn that not everything that life has to give is worth having. That I learned the hard way. For many decades, I bore the scars of my rebelliousness and sin. That is, until I was given the gift of faith and accepted His forgiveness.
It was my arrogance and pride – and later shame — that caused me to avoid Him for so many years. They also prevented me from seeking His forgiveness. Only when I looked at myself through His loving eyes could I believe in His forgiveness. Only when I saw myself through His loving eyes could I forgive myself.
More of my life now lies behind me than lies ahead. I don’t fear the future; I cherish it. God has extinguished the pain of past mistakes and healed my wounds. Through the gift of God’s grace, the choices I’ve made and the paths I’ve taken have led me here. Here, to where He was waiting all along. We have become friends, God and me. Not equals, but friends in the way a child loves the Father and the Father loves His child.
My steps were not as steady as they could have been had I surrendered to God long ago, but I reached for His hand, He took it, and I have regained my balance in God. My voice grows quieter with age, but He still hears me when I pray. When I pray, He listens, and His understanding vibrates in my soul like distant thunder.
God is always with us waiting to be found. He wants to be found. He is with us until we’re not. God will never abandon us, but He gives us “free will” to reject Him if that is our desire. And I believe that is the only death we need to fear: The spiritual death that follows from the absence of God.
But if we choose to believe in Him, in His love for us, and love Him above all else in return, we need never fear again.
“For God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son so that anyone who believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)
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